'tis holy week. and good friday. the day of man's frustrations and God's 'failures'. it was today that Jesus died. literally. and with Him, all the hopes of hundreds (if not thousands) of jews. think about it:
you are mary, Jesus' mother, and you stand before your Son who has done amazing, miraculous things throughout His life. but now, He hangs on a cross before you. in your mind you're screaming at God! demanding to know how He could do this! Jesus' was supposed to change the world! being overcome by the holy spirit all those 33 years ago, you prophecied it! what was He thinking? was all of that a lie? some bad food? how was He supposed to change the world from a cross? maybe God will bring Him down! that's it! He'll come down from the cross and show the religious prigs what God's really about. and you'll be able to hold him again, wipe the blood from His face... there's so much of it, it's covering everything! there's so much of it... wha-what's that He's saying? something about you being john's mother... john being your son? no! that's death talk! stop it! stop! He can't mean it! He can't be saying it! the final cry... and you stare at His chest. you beg God with everything you have to let you see it rise again... but no... or maybe you're john. the other disciples have run away but you stayed. you stood there 'til the end. you stood with Him. when they beat Him, your heart broke. you'd seen Him tear through the temple, heard Him outwit and chastise these same pharisees and priests so many times before. and yet, now, He won't say anything. all the bizarre stories and revolutionary words of three long years together and now He is silent. the Man you watched heal so many of so much... His flesh is being torn asunder... why doesn't He heal it? why doesn't He break through all of this and show these ignorant people who He really is? He is the Messiah! He came to set you free, to bring the kingdom of God to earth! where is the kingdom when the King is hanging on a cross? what's that He says? something about taking His mother as your mother... and being her son? you nod numbly. He is your Lord and so you follow as you can. but then a cry! and "Father, into Your hands I commit My Spirit..." NO! NO! NO! He can't die! you stood at the tomb when He raised lazarus! beside the body when He raised the boy from his own funeral. from Jarus's daughter and He claimed she was only sleeping... maybe that's it! maybe He's sleeping. and on from the cross, it's hard to see breaths so shallow... but they're stabbing Him... and there's no response... He-He-He can't be... but blood & water are flowing out... peter? you huddle in a dark corner. away from anyone and everyone. but wishing someone would come up and ask you if you were with Him. YES! YES! you would scream it at the top of your lungs. i was with Him! i was His disciple! but you can't now. john just came and found you a few moments ago. and he told you. he told you that the impossible happened: they had killed Him. He was dead. you pushed john. you prodded him. was there any way that he could have seen it wrong, misunderstood. but john had stuck around until they'd taken Him down. and there was no possibility of anyone being alive through crucifixion. not even Him. john was sure. he had felt the lifeless, cooling body. you had pushed john aside and ran. ran until you couldn't run anymore. and collapsed in a puddle here in the shadows. 'cause what do you do when the Hope of the world dies? when the hope of Your world dies? and what do you do when you fail Him? you remember your words from last night. bold, arrogant words of dying for Him. so much bravado and no follow through. you should have done something! you should have fought for Him! you should have... you should have at least admitted to knowing Him. but you couldn't even do that. but then older memories slip into your mind, memories of your boldness praised by Him when you'd claimed Him as the Son of God! memories of answering Him that no where else had you found the words of eternal life... but what good is the Son of God if He dies? what good are the words of eternal life when they're spoken by someone who's died? maybe a random jew: you'd heard about Jesus, heard Him speak time or two. you remember Him riding in on a donkey a week ago. you threw your own cloak down for Him for surely He was something special! prophecy was being fulfilled right before your eyes: behold! your king, riding on a donkey!" and here He was! and roman would be defeated. and the oppression would cease. you heard some buzz through the crowd about his first sermon, about how he'd talked about setting captive free and the good news to the poor and sight to the blind. and he had done that! no one had ever restored a man's sight. but Jesus had! he must have been the Messiah! and He'd ridden all the way up to the temple! and you would have crown Him king! you would have followed Him. the whole crowd was ready to do it. but He stopped. and looked over you all. and turned and walked away. and no one had known what to do. you'd stood there with everyone else and looked at each other. eventually you dispersed. you came back to the temple, looking for Him throughout the week but nothing too exciting happened. He taught again. good things. but no talk of overthrowing rome. no more hype like there'd been for His entrance into jerusalem. at least not until today. at some point, the priests had captured Him. they dragged Him up in front of the crowd. something about blasphemy. pilate was trying to wash his hands of the whole thing, but the priests wouldn't let him. they wanted Jesus killed. and Barabas set free. at some point, some people in the crowd started shouting 'crucify Him!' and if the charges were true, He deserved it. how arrogant of Him to ride in the like the Messiah and not act like it! how wrong of Him to make all these promises of freedom and the kingdom of God and not follow through! soon, your voice joined that of the others: "crucify Him!" scum of the earth church, celebration community church, and urban skye put on a good friday 'service' today. you sat at various stations and thought about various things. at one of them, you were supposed to write your hopes and dreams, your greatest longings on this board where they disappeared before your eyes. it was hard. i wrote down love and understanding. i want to be loved and understood. by a wife. the last few months have been so hard. when i really face myself, i have to admit that i've felt betrayed and abandoned by God. He took away what i thought was imminent, what He had promised me, what was supposed to happen. i don't know if i've understood good friday as much as i do this year. but for all of these people (even myself) the story's not over yet... easter is fast approaching...:) | 
